Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
