I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
