Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I sprained my soul last night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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