Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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