9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
