I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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