I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
