And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
