I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
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i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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