in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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