new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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