so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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