Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
