Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
