You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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