At least make sure they are 18
Why
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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