Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
