This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
