and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
