My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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