So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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