I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
