I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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