I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
