I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
