If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
