Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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