Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
