Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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