We won't sleep together?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
God, I missed his penis.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
