Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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