can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is Oprah even human
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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