I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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