fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
