Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
