I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
