I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
