dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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