Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
