yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
