Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my being single is dangerous.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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