There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
