did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
