he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
