the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize