dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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