He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
