i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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