Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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