There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
