My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
