you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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