i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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