I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
