I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
