Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cannot find my penis.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
