He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
