Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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