Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
