They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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