O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
