DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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