Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
