Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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