Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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