Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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