Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
