I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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