the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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