I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
