wanna go halves on a baby?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
