Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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