Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
