I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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