how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
