Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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