Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
