Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
