Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
