It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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